Every Mother Works

"Every mother mothers, every mother works"

Apr 09, 2026

Women have been programmed to believe we can “have it all” but can we, really?

I’ve had several conversations over the years, with multiple friends from varying backgrounds, so I’ve felt compelled to write this, because I feel like we all have some degree of feeling like no one has it quite right. If you’ve figured it out, let me know, but from what I can see, “you’re damned if you do, damned if you don’t.”

I do also think both “sides” come with different stigmas. Moms who work are seen as cold hearted for not wanting to be home holding their babies, while moms who don’t work, are viewed as “having it easy,” or maybe viewed as not as driven, because they stopped working.

None of these stigmas are correct.

Whether you’re a working mom, or a stay at home mom, you’re working. I love Neha Ruch’s quote, “Every mother mothers, every mother works.”

You sacrifice either way.

If you’re a SAHM, you likely sacrificed your career, part of your identity, a salary, and also some of your freedom. Depending on your situation, you also may not get breaks because you can’t afford to not work, and have help, so you’re on 24/7.

You also likely miss having daily interactions with people (in or out of an office) and may even feel lonely at times. You might get envious of your spouse, because they get freedom and socialization, that you don’t.

I’m sure on the weekends all you want is a break, and feel deserving of one, but your spouse may not understand. However, at the same time, I’m sure you want to do something as a family.

If you’re a working mom, you sacrificed being home with your babies during a time you’ll never get back. You likely had to give up breastfeeding earlier than you wanted, because your body simply couldn’t produce as well once you went back to work. You may also have to travel, and that brings a lot of planning, and added stress too.

You aren’t always there for all the milestones, or school activities, and that can make you feel guilty. You feel like you’re failing at work, and at motherhood most days, with way too many balls in the air. You might even wonder if the SAHM moms are looking at you at school drop off like you’re crazy — always frazzled, late, and maybe you don’t seem like a “good mom.”

Some women may work full-time, and still not be able to afford help. You have to juggle multiple early releases, no school days, sick days, and doctor’s appointments because they likely fall on you.

At times, you may even feel resentful of your spouse, that you have to work, when maybe you don’t want to. Most days you feel like you can barely keep your head above water.

Neither side is winning, neither side is better than the other, or harder than the other; it also depends on each person, their family dynamics, and how much help they do, or don’t have, as well.

No two situations are the same. We shouldn’t let these labels divide us, and let’s keep in mind, they aren’t always so black and white. Sometimes, women just pause their careers and go back later, or they may shift into neutral, in order to fit what works best for their family.

For example, I was in a pretty senior role working full-time, getting paid well, and I bowed out, sacrificing my career, in order to have some sanity. I noticed the stress was impacting mine and my husband’s relationship, as well as, my ability to mother. I had a very short fuse because I was stressed out all of the time, so I knew something needed to change. I was also working in a really toxic environment and it was taking a toll on my health.

I majorly downshifted, and became a consultant, and it’s been the best thing for me. However, I am not making what I used to, nor do I have a steady paycheck every month, so that can cause some stress from time to time.

It’s taken me six years to finally find somewhere (although temporary but a year long contract) that allows me to balance my children and work. It feels like a unicorn and I feel very lucky everyday. Don’t get me wrong, I still have many days where I feel like I am juggling all the things, but before I literally felt like I was drowning. I would cry at least once a week, and I couldn’t keep my head above water.

We had moved to a new state, no longer had our incredible nanny, and we were literally on our own with no family nearby, and zero help. Not to mention, our son was going through some major health stuff, and I felt like I was going to break, and then, finally…I did.

I have technically been on both sides, because I’ve also had periods of not working — I realized it’s not quite the same, but I took nearly a year off (after my breaking point), and spent the whole summer with my daughter when she was two, and I still cherish that summer with her. I felt calmer, more present, and like I could enjoy every small moment. I felt like a better mom, and wife, but it was short-lived, because I needed to help out financially. The financial stress when I wasn’t working, took away a piece of that calm. I also have to admit, I did miss making my own money, and having “adult” interactions daily.

My situation is a reminder, you don’t have to be one or the other, always. You also shouldn’t feel guilty if someone asks you what you do. If you’re home with the kids, that’s a big job, and, if you’re not, it’s either because you’re doing something you’re passionate about, or maybe it’s because you have to in order to make ends meet for the family. Nothing is permanent and both scenarios matter.

I am also one of the lucky ones, because I have a husband who is incredibly hands on, and he has a more flexible schedule than most. We are truly a team, and if I didn’t have that, I wouldn’t be able to do everything I do.

I tell my friends who are at home, or are considering staying home, the work will always be there when you’re ready. I just helped a friend get a job who hasn’t worked in nearly eight years, because she stayed home to raise her babies — anything is possible!

Maybe when a stay at home mom is home, she’s staring out the window holding her baby, longing for a career, but on the flip side, maybe the mom who is climbing the corporate ladder, is wishing she were home holding her baby, instead of holding onto the subway rail on her way to work.

We need to remember, we simply cannot win, but we’re all in this together, even if it’s hard — both side’s struggles are valid. There’s no need for any competition because none of us have it easy. So, next time you feel like you’re looking down on one or the other, try to remember none of us are winning.

To me, the real win is having the choice to go back to work, or not, but most of us aren’t that lucky; either we don’t make enough for our salary to pay for childcare, or, our salary is too high for us not to work and therefore, if we don’t work, it would send the family into financial struggle.

And, if you are lucky enough to have the choice, just because you do, doesn’t mean it’s easy because there’s still sacrifice.

Someday, when the children grow older, we can have anything we want; nothing is impossible. We will get that rest, the promotion, or maybe this whole experience will make us find a new passion, and we will find ourselves winning in the end, after all.

xx - LY

P.S. You’ve got this!

P.P.S. These three books really helped me when I first went back to work and through my career pause/shift: